A Man Is Not A Man.....

Well, I've been looking through some of those old note books, mentioned in my last post.

They certainly make fascinating reading, as they go back quite a few years. I can see some themes among the many jottings and notes within the pages and some very interesting thoughts and ideas too. I've no doubt I'll be using at least some of them here, over time.

There was one note that jumped out at me though and it was one that I'd completely forgotten about too. It was a comment on an old YouTube video of mine, which I'd made a note of. I have no idea which video it was, but the comment said, "A man is not a man until his father dies".

I've just Googled that quote to see if it may have been an old saying, but I can't find any suggestion of it being so. It does sound like an old quotation doesn't it and the kind of thing you'd find in a book?

I'm guessing that the comment was on a video I may have made when my own father died, back in January 2010. I may just have to go back and check.
I'm not sure that I would agree with the comment particularly, but I can certainly understand the meaning behind it.

I was already in my early 50's when my father died, when he was 92, so whether his death had any major impact on my life I'm not that sure, that's apart from the obvious grief and emotional impact that is.

One thing I would say though, is that that event was just the start of a pretty momentous year for me and one that has changed and influenced my life ever since. The whole year was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

As mentioned my father died in January 2010. My mother-in-law then died suddenly, just over a month later. My father's death was not a shock, due to his age and the fact that he'd not been well for a while. But my mother-in-laws death certainly was, so you can probably imagine the impact that had on the extended family, especially the grandchildren, to whom she was very close.

One aside from this is that, at my fathers funeral service, I gave a speech about his life and one that was very well received as it happens. Strangely enough, I didn't find that anywhere near as hard as I thought I would.
This was one area where my past experience of vlogging and talking into a video camera was a help. I treated the speech as a kind of vlog and, in an ironic twist of fate, the person I concentrated on most of the time during that speech was my mother-in-law. I have no idea why, but her's was the face that I found myself using as a form of video camera lens (I hope that makes some kind of sense?)

Part three of my annus horribilis was losing my job and being made redundant in June of 2010. Once again this was a shock, as although I knew changes were afoot, nobody expected staff members to lose their jobs, least of all me. I wasn't the only one by the way.

Naturally, this had a huge impact on my life both then and since. I was lucky in that I came out the other side in a fairly good state and am happier doing what I do now, than I ever was at work back then.
I was also lucky in that I had other interests and potential projects to fall back on, some of which were in the pages of those old note books.
So, in many ways, I am better off now than then, although not financially. But, I have learned that money isn't everything.
One possible regret though, is that I've never had the chance to go back and thank them for getting rid of me.

In September of 2010 my younger sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully that was detected early and the subsequent treatment has meant that she is now back to full health. But, once again, this was another of those episodes that makes you stop and think about life, the universe and everything.

Since that year, my life has changed in many ways and it has also been a lot less traumatic too, thankfully. But it has changed my whole outlook on life, work, pleasure and passions. I've made many changes and I suspect there will be more to come.
I'm looking forward to it.

Change may not always come in the ways that you want it to, or would like it to. It can creep up on you when you least expect it and often there's nothing you can do about it.

Sometimes, it's not the changes themselves that affect your life, it's how you react to them. I've always tried to have a 'glass half full' mentality and I think that helped me through that year and beyond.

So, although I'm not sure that the death of my father was quite the event that made me a man, that whole year may well have been, at least, part of the reason that I am now the man I am?

PS: I've checked and I made a whole series of videos about my father's illness and subsequent death.
This is the first one: A Matter of Life and Death the 2nd is: Life is a Rollercoaster and then are a few more on the Rollercoaster theme, if you're interested. As to why I made and shared those videos? Well, maybe that's a topic for another post?

Oh Cancer, Up Yours!

This morning i heard the very sad news of the death, from cancer, of Marian Joan Elliott-Said aka Poly Styrene.

As is so often the case these days, i heard the news via Twitter.

Poly Styrene was the lead singer in the influential Punk band X-Ray Spex. Their first single "Oh Bondage, Up Yours!" created quite a stir when it came out back in 1977, as i well remember.
The sight of a young girl, with braces on her teeth, singing those words with such feeling, both upset and inspired people in equal numbers.

Poly Styrene subsequently became a role model for many young women throughout the years, even up to the present day. But especially back in those heady days of the late 1970's.

I still have my copy of their big hit single "The Day The World Turned Dayglo' by the way. In orange vinyl no less. It sits in it's rightful place amongst all the classic Punk 45's from that time and it still packs a punch now.



Unfortunately, i never got to see X-Ray Spex live. I did get close though. I went to see them in Liverpool, at the famous 'Erics' club in Matthew St. But, the gig was cancelled for some long forgotten reason.

Poly Styrene had only recently released a brand new album 'Generation Indigo'. It's a good album and one i can thoroughly recommend. She had even been promoting the album as much as her illness permitted. Even to the extent of giving interviews from her local Hospice.
Through Tweets, Facebook updates and interviews, she said she had been looking forward to getting out there to promote the album even more and to get back singing again.
Sadly, that will no longer happen.

But, what makes Poly Styrene's death all the more poignant for me, is the local aspect.

As has often been reported. Marian got into Punk music & effectively became Poly Styrene, after seeing the Sex Pistols play on Hastings Pier, way back in 1976. Supporting Budgie would you believe?

In recent years she made had her home in St Leonards On Sea, my own home town.
I pass her house most days and used to see her about on the street quite often. Although i never actually plucked up the courage to speak to her. Weird isn't it?

Because of my involvement with Hastings Rock radio station, i have been listening to Poly Styrene's new 'Generation Indigo' album quite a lot recently and picking out tracks to play on my Local Music Show, on the station.
Only the other day, i sent off the track "Thrash City" to be placed onto the stations 'A' List, for when Hastings Rock comes back on the air this Saturday.
Now, unfortunately, those songs will be played as a tribute.

As i mentioned earlier. Poly Styrene had been in St Michael's Hospice, not far from her home.

It is no co-incidence that the charity Hastings Rock radio station now supports during it's broadcasts is, St Michael's Hospice.
We support St Michael's Hospice because of the wonderful work that they do, because they are local and also because we all know somebody who has been affected by cancer.

Unfortunately, that has been brought home to all of us in the Hastings musical community, with the sad passing of Poly Styrene.

At least we will always have her music to remember her by.

R.I.P Marian Joan Elliott-Said (Poly Styrene) 1957-2011.

Oh Cancer, Up Yours!