Well, I've been looking through some of those old note books, mentioned in my last post.
They certainly make fascinating reading, as they go back quite a few years. I can see some themes among the many jottings and notes within the pages and some very interesting thoughts and ideas too. I've no doubt I'll be using at least some of them here, over time.
There was one note that jumped out at me though and it was one that I'd completely forgotten about too. It was a comment on an old YouTube video of mine, which I'd made a note of. I have no idea which video it was, but the comment said, "A man is not a man until his father dies".
I've just Googled that quote to see if it may have been an old saying, but I can't find any suggestion of it being so. It does sound like an old quotation doesn't it and the kind of thing you'd find in a book?
I'm guessing that the comment was on a video I may have made when my own father died, back in January 2010. I may just have to go back and check.
I'm not sure that I would agree with the comment particularly, but I can certainly understand the meaning behind it.
I was already in my early 50's when my father died, when he was 92, so whether his death had any major impact on my life I'm not that sure, that's apart from the obvious grief and emotional impact that is.
One thing I would say though, is that that event was just the start of a pretty momentous year for me and one that has changed and influenced my life ever since. The whole year was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.
As mentioned my father died in January 2010. My mother-in-law then died suddenly, just over a month later. My father's death was not a shock, due to his age and the fact that he'd not been well for a while. But my mother-in-laws death certainly was, so you can probably imagine the impact that had on the extended family, especially the grandchildren, to whom she was very close.
One aside from this is that, at my fathers funeral service, I gave a speech about his life and one that was very well received as it happens. Strangely enough, I didn't find that anywhere near as hard as I thought I would.
This was one area where my past experience of vlogging and talking into a video camera was a help. I treated the speech as a kind of vlog and, in an ironic twist of fate, the person I concentrated on most of the time during that speech was my mother-in-law. I have no idea why, but her's was the face that I found myself using as a form of video camera lens (I hope that makes some kind of sense?)
Part three of my annus horribilis was losing my job and being made redundant in June of 2010. Once again this was a shock, as although I knew changes were afoot, nobody expected staff members to lose their jobs, least of all me. I wasn't the only one by the way.
Naturally, this had a huge impact on my life both then and since. I was lucky in that I came out the other side in a fairly good state and am happier doing what I do now, than I ever was at work back then.
I was also lucky in that I had other interests and potential projects to fall back on, some of which were in the pages of those old note books.
So, in many ways, I am better off now than then, although not financially. But, I have learned that money isn't everything.
One possible regret though, is that I've never had the chance to go back and thank them for getting rid of me.
In September of 2010 my younger sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully that was detected early and the subsequent treatment has meant that she is now back to full health. But, once again, this was another of those episodes that makes you stop and think about life, the universe and everything.
Since that year, my life has changed in many ways and it has also been a lot less traumatic too, thankfully. But it has changed my whole outlook on life, work, pleasure and passions. I've made many changes and I suspect there will be more to come.
I'm looking forward to it.
Change may not always come in the ways that you want it to, or would like it to. It can creep up on you when you least expect it and often there's nothing you can do about it.
Sometimes, it's not the changes themselves that affect your life, it's how you react to them. I've always tried to have a 'glass half full' mentality and I think that helped me through that year and beyond.
So, although I'm not sure that the death of my father was quite the event that made me a man, that whole year may well have been, at least, part of the reason that I am now the man I am?
PS: I've checked and I made a whole series of videos about my father's illness and subsequent death.
This is the first one: A Matter of Life and Death the 2nd is: Life is a Rollercoaster and then are a few more on the Rollercoaster theme, if you're interested. As to why I made and shared those videos? Well, maybe that's a topic for another post?
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Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Sunday, 7 December 2014
Monday, 28 November 2011
Sadness Is All Around.
I, like many people across the UK, was shocked to hear of the very sad death of the footballer Gary Speed on Sunday.
It appears from reports that, tragically, Gary Speed took his own life.
It took a while for this to sink in as i'd only seen him on BBC's live Football Focus show the previous lunchtime and he appeared to be his normal self. I had to check to make sure that it was actually the same person. Unfortunately, it was.
This news made me pose the question, how could a man that i'd seen, apparently full of life, decide to end that life, at the very young age of 42, just a few hours later?
A possible clue came from a blog post from another ex footballer, Stan Collymore. In this blog post, which was rather scarily written in the early hours of Saturday morning, Stan Collymore speaks about his own struggles with depression.
I have seen it suggested, although i have no way of verifying this, that depression may have been a factor in Gary Speed's death.
Thankfully, i have never knowingly had any contact with depression myself, or with anyone suffering from it. Therefore, i am completely unqualified to talk about it. You only have to read Stan Collymore's blog post to realise how outward appearences can be deceptive and also how misunderstood the condition can be.
So, i will leave that discussion to those who are far more qualified.
On the radio this morning though, during the sports report, they were talking about an annual sports book prize, that is being awarded today. Coincidently, one of the books shortlisted is a biography of the German footballer, Robert Enke, who also took his own life, due to depression, in 2009.
(Update: The book about Robert Enke, "A Life Too Short" by Ronald Reng, won the William Hill Sports Book Of The Year Award for 2011)
During the course of the conversation it was suggested that sad and tragic events might be easier to write about than happier ones. This was not meant, in any way, to lessen the nature of the stories. But, this reminded me of another discussion i had heard recently about a completely unrelated subject, music.
Some of the best and most effective music you will ever hear, is written around sad circumstances.
The Blues is called that for a very good reason and where would Country music be without sadness and loss? There is that often told joke about playing a Country song backwards and everything becoming right with the world once again.
So often, it is those songs about love, loss and sadness that affect us the most. Possibly because we can all relate to them at some level?
I'm sure that you can think of your own examples. But, i'll give you some of my own.
For example, The Smiths built a whole career around the often bleak lyrics written by Morrissey.
The singer/songwriter John Martyn, who had many issues of his own, often wrote songs about the sad side of life, until his own untimely death in 2009.
A personal favourite musician of mine, Nick Drake also took his own life because of depression, way back in 1974. Nick Drake even wrote a song called "Black Eyed Dog", which contains lyrics all about the so called 'Black Dog', an often used expression used to describe depression.
The song contains the words, "A black eyed dog he called at my door...... A black eyed door he knew my name".
And how can you leave off of this list, possibly the grandaddy of them all, Leonard Cohen?
Winston Churchill, often thought of as the greatest Briton that ever lived, suffered from depression himself and often referred to "his black dog". Here's a quote from Churchill which gives some insight to how he somtimes felt:
"I don't like standing near the edge of a platform when an express train is passing through. I like to stand right back and if possible get a pillar between me and the train. I don't like to stand by the side of a ship and look down into the water. A second's action would end everything. A few drops of desperation."
All of this just goes to show that there is often far more sadness in the world than we care to admit exists, or are even aware of.
Depression and sadness may well have inspired some of the greatest art and music in history. But, it may also mask, or hide something far sadder that it is lurking, just below the surface. Even in the most gifted, talented and outwardly confident people.
It sometimes takes the sad and tragic death of a well known and respected sportsman like Gary Speed, or Robert Enke to make us realise that.
NHS - Depression: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Introduction.aspx
Depression Allaince: http://www.depressionalliance.org/
Depression UK: http://www.depressionuk.org./
Black Dog Institute: http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
(I thought long and hard about whether to upload this blog post. As i didn't know whether it was right to link the recent death of a much loved sportsman, with the effect of sadness and depression on music. I would hate anybody to think that i am taking depression lightly. That is the furthest thing from my mind. Hopefully, i have made the correct choice?)
It appears from reports that, tragically, Gary Speed took his own life.
It took a while for this to sink in as i'd only seen him on BBC's live Football Focus show the previous lunchtime and he appeared to be his normal self. I had to check to make sure that it was actually the same person. Unfortunately, it was.
This news made me pose the question, how could a man that i'd seen, apparently full of life, decide to end that life, at the very young age of 42, just a few hours later?
A possible clue came from a blog post from another ex footballer, Stan Collymore. In this blog post, which was rather scarily written in the early hours of Saturday morning, Stan Collymore speaks about his own struggles with depression.
I have seen it suggested, although i have no way of verifying this, that depression may have been a factor in Gary Speed's death.
Thankfully, i have never knowingly had any contact with depression myself, or with anyone suffering from it. Therefore, i am completely unqualified to talk about it. You only have to read Stan Collymore's blog post to realise how outward appearences can be deceptive and also how misunderstood the condition can be.
So, i will leave that discussion to those who are far more qualified.
On the radio this morning though, during the sports report, they were talking about an annual sports book prize, that is being awarded today. Coincidently, one of the books shortlisted is a biography of the German footballer, Robert Enke, who also took his own life, due to depression, in 2009.
(Update: The book about Robert Enke, "A Life Too Short" by Ronald Reng, won the William Hill Sports Book Of The Year Award for 2011)
During the course of the conversation it was suggested that sad and tragic events might be easier to write about than happier ones. This was not meant, in any way, to lessen the nature of the stories. But, this reminded me of another discussion i had heard recently about a completely unrelated subject, music.
Some of the best and most effective music you will ever hear, is written around sad circumstances.
The Blues is called that for a very good reason and where would Country music be without sadness and loss? There is that often told joke about playing a Country song backwards and everything becoming right with the world once again.
So often, it is those songs about love, loss and sadness that affect us the most. Possibly because we can all relate to them at some level?
I'm sure that you can think of your own examples. But, i'll give you some of my own.
For example, The Smiths built a whole career around the often bleak lyrics written by Morrissey.
The singer/songwriter John Martyn, who had many issues of his own, often wrote songs about the sad side of life, until his own untimely death in 2009.
A personal favourite musician of mine, Nick Drake also took his own life because of depression, way back in 1974. Nick Drake even wrote a song called "Black Eyed Dog", which contains lyrics all about the so called 'Black Dog', an often used expression used to describe depression.
The song contains the words, "A black eyed dog he called at my door...... A black eyed door he knew my name".
And how can you leave off of this list, possibly the grandaddy of them all, Leonard Cohen?
Winston Churchill, often thought of as the greatest Briton that ever lived, suffered from depression himself and often referred to "his black dog". Here's a quote from Churchill which gives some insight to how he somtimes felt:
"I don't like standing near the edge of a platform when an express train is passing through. I like to stand right back and if possible get a pillar between me and the train. I don't like to stand by the side of a ship and look down into the water. A second's action would end everything. A few drops of desperation."
All of this just goes to show that there is often far more sadness in the world than we care to admit exists, or are even aware of.
Depression and sadness may well have inspired some of the greatest art and music in history. But, it may also mask, or hide something far sadder that it is lurking, just below the surface. Even in the most gifted, talented and outwardly confident people.
It sometimes takes the sad and tragic death of a well known and respected sportsman like Gary Speed, or Robert Enke to make us realise that.
NHS - Depression: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Introduction.aspx
Depression Allaince: http://www.depressionalliance.org/
Depression UK: http://www.depressionuk.org./
Black Dog Institute: http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
(I thought long and hard about whether to upload this blog post. As i didn't know whether it was right to link the recent death of a much loved sportsman, with the effect of sadness and depression on music. I would hate anybody to think that i am taking depression lightly. That is the furthest thing from my mind. Hopefully, i have made the correct choice?)
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Amy Winehouse, Twitter and the 27 Club.
I missed out Brian Jones from my list of people who died at 27. I also included Keith Moon who actually died at age 32. Oops.
That's what you get for making it up as you go along.
The 27 Club: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Oh Cancer, Up Yours!
This morning i heard the very sad news of the death, from cancer, of Marian Joan Elliott-Said aka Poly Styrene.
As is so often the case these days, i heard the news via Twitter.
Poly Styrene was the lead singer in the influential Punk band X-Ray Spex. Their first single "Oh Bondage, Up Yours!" created quite a stir when it came out back in 1977, as i well remember.
The sight of a young girl, with braces on her teeth, singing those words with such feeling, both upset and inspired people in equal numbers.
Poly Styrene subsequently became a role model for many young women throughout the years, even up to the present day. But especially back in those heady days of the late 1970's.
I still have my copy of their big hit single "The Day The World Turned Dayglo' by the way. In orange vinyl no less. It sits in it's rightful place amongst all the classic Punk 45's from that time and it still packs a punch now.
Unfortunately, i never got to see X-Ray Spex live. I did get close though. I went to see them in Liverpool, at the famous 'Erics' club in Matthew St. But, the gig was cancelled for some long forgotten reason.
Poly Styrene had only recently released a brand new album 'Generation Indigo'. It's a good album and one i can thoroughly recommend. She had even been promoting the album as much as her illness permitted. Even to the extent of giving interviews from her local Hospice.
Through Tweets, Facebook updates and interviews, she said she had been looking forward to getting out there to promote the album even more and to get back singing again.
Sadly, that will no longer happen.
But, what makes Poly Styrene's death all the more poignant for me, is the local aspect.
As has often been reported. Marian got into Punk music & effectively became Poly Styrene, after seeing the Sex Pistols play on Hastings Pier, way back in 1976. Supporting Budgie would you believe?
In recent years she made had her home in St Leonards On Sea, my own home town.
I pass her house most days and used to see her about on the street quite often. Although i never actually plucked up the courage to speak to her. Weird isn't it?
Because of my involvement with Hastings Rock radio station, i have been listening to Poly Styrene's new 'Generation Indigo' album quite a lot recently and picking out tracks to play on my Local Music Show, on the station.
Only the other day, i sent off the track "Thrash City" to be placed onto the stations 'A' List, for when Hastings Rock comes back on the air this Saturday.
Now, unfortunately, those songs will be played as a tribute.
As i mentioned earlier. Poly Styrene had been in St Michael's Hospice, not far from her home.
It is no co-incidence that the charity Hastings Rock radio station now supports during it's broadcasts is, St Michael's Hospice.
We support St Michael's Hospice because of the wonderful work that they do, because they are local and also because we all know somebody who has been affected by cancer.
Unfortunately, that has been brought home to all of us in the Hastings musical community, with the sad passing of Poly Styrene.
At least we will always have her music to remember her by.
R.I.P Marian Joan Elliott-Said (Poly Styrene) 1957-2011.
Oh Cancer, Up Yours!
As is so often the case these days, i heard the news via Twitter.
Poly Styrene was the lead singer in the influential Punk band X-Ray Spex. Their first single "Oh Bondage, Up Yours!" created quite a stir when it came out back in 1977, as i well remember.
The sight of a young girl, with braces on her teeth, singing those words with such feeling, both upset and inspired people in equal numbers.
Poly Styrene subsequently became a role model for many young women throughout the years, even up to the present day. But especially back in those heady days of the late 1970's.
I still have my copy of their big hit single "The Day The World Turned Dayglo' by the way. In orange vinyl no less. It sits in it's rightful place amongst all the classic Punk 45's from that time and it still packs a punch now.
Unfortunately, i never got to see X-Ray Spex live. I did get close though. I went to see them in Liverpool, at the famous 'Erics' club in Matthew St. But, the gig was cancelled for some long forgotten reason.
Poly Styrene had only recently released a brand new album 'Generation Indigo'. It's a good album and one i can thoroughly recommend. She had even been promoting the album as much as her illness permitted. Even to the extent of giving interviews from her local Hospice.
Through Tweets, Facebook updates and interviews, she said she had been looking forward to getting out there to promote the album even more and to get back singing again.
Sadly, that will no longer happen.
But, what makes Poly Styrene's death all the more poignant for me, is the local aspect.
As has often been reported. Marian got into Punk music & effectively became Poly Styrene, after seeing the Sex Pistols play on Hastings Pier, way back in 1976. Supporting Budgie would you believe?
In recent years she made had her home in St Leonards On Sea, my own home town.
I pass her house most days and used to see her about on the street quite often. Although i never actually plucked up the courage to speak to her. Weird isn't it?
Because of my involvement with Hastings Rock radio station, i have been listening to Poly Styrene's new 'Generation Indigo' album quite a lot recently and picking out tracks to play on my Local Music Show, on the station.
Only the other day, i sent off the track "Thrash City" to be placed onto the stations 'A' List, for when Hastings Rock comes back on the air this Saturday.
Now, unfortunately, those songs will be played as a tribute.
As i mentioned earlier. Poly Styrene had been in St Michael's Hospice, not far from her home.
It is no co-incidence that the charity Hastings Rock radio station now supports during it's broadcasts is, St Michael's Hospice.
We support St Michael's Hospice because of the wonderful work that they do, because they are local and also because we all know somebody who has been affected by cancer.
Unfortunately, that has been brought home to all of us in the Hastings musical community, with the sad passing of Poly Styrene.
At least we will always have her music to remember her by.
R.I.P Marian Joan Elliott-Said (Poly Styrene) 1957-2011.
Oh Cancer, Up Yours!
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Friday, 31 December 2010
That Was The Year That Was.
A look back at what has been a very momentous year for myself & my family.
Even though this video is 17 minutes long, i still missed out some events & people!
Vloggers Caravan Road Trip video playlist:
http://www.youtube.com/user/andymoose...
"Not The End Of The Pier" CD website:
http://nottheend.co.uk
AudioBoo - http://audioboo.fm/andymooseman
A beach vlog.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Saturday, 11 September 2010
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Vlogging - For personal use.
(This is the first in what will, hopefully, be a series of blog posts written whilst on holiday in Spain)
When i was last in Spain, two years ago, i recorded a series of video diaries and posted them onto YouTube. Mainly, it must be said, for myself and as a way of reminding myself about the holiday. I have been thinking about doing the same thing this time around. We'll see.
I suspect that, due to limited Internet speed, i'll be doing more blogs than vlogs this time though.
I have looked back on those Spanish videos many times over the past two years and have been very pleased that i bothered to record them. However good your memory, you will always forget some aspect, or detail of a holiday, no matter how good that holiday was. Or, even maybe because of that! So, it is great to be able to remind yourself whenever you want to. I have also been pleased that people have bothered to watch and comment on those videos. I have even had people say to me personally, how much they enjoyed them. That is always very nice to hear and is very encouraging.
Years ago, i used to write and keep a travel diary, whenever i went to somewhere a little out of the ordinary. As did many other people.
How times change!
Over the past few years i have recorded many videos which were originally only meant for purely personal use. Videos that were never really intended to be uploaded to YouTube, or elsewhere. This has been a way for me to record an event, or happening in my life. Such as that Spanish holiday. These videos are often very spontaneous and recorded quickly. But, then some of the best vlogs are recorded that way. Well, in my opinion anyway.
I think that because i've become so used to recording vlogs, during my four years on YouTube, these videos have always come out exactly the same as an "ordinary" "andymooseman" vlog would do. I always record and introduce them in the same way, just in case they do eventually see the public light of day. Apart from that, it just becomes a habit to start a video that way, wherever it is going to end up.
Possibly, because of this, there are very few videos of this type that have not been uploaded to YouTube. That must mean something, although i'm not quite sure what.
For example. I recorded a series of videos about my fathers ill health and subsequent death, earlier this year. These are a perfect example of the type of video i am talking about here, as i never intended them to be seen. Especially, the first couple that i made. They were just a way for me to record something very personal and historical. Albeit the type of history we don't wish to think about.
But, after uploading that first video, i was very pleased and actually uplifted by the comments and general feedback that it got by the viewers. Several people thanked me for posting those videos and said that it reminded them of similar situations that they had faced in the past. Situations in which they had often felt unable to communicate what they themsleves were feeling at the time
This encouraged me to keep recording that series of videos and to continue uploading them.
One reason that i had been, initially, a little hesitant about uploading that first video, was that i didn't want people to think that i was somehow fishing for sympathy. I suspect that this has been a motive for some in the past. But, i'm sure that my viewers and subscribers are smart enough to see right through somebody doing that.
I can honestly say that i am very pleased that i decided to, firstly record those videos and secondly, to actually feel brave enough to upload them to YouTube.
It was a way for me to put my thoughts and feelings of the time onto video. Not everybody would feel comfortable with recording their most stressful and emotional moments and then uploading them for all the world to see. That is not always an easy choice to make and, obviously, has to be a very personal decision.
But, maybe, this goes right to the heart of what vlogging is all about in the first place? Having said that, i would respect anyones decision not to do what i did.
I have often said that i regard vlogging to be a very cathartic experience at times and i've even called YouTube, the psychiatrists couch of the Internet, for that very reason. It gives you a place to say what you want and often something that needs to be said. But, something that you don't always feel able to say to those around you. But, it gets it off of your chest and out into the open.
Vlogging really is a great way of expressing your thoughts, especially at a time of emotional stress and, of course, you are still under no obligation to actually upload, or share those thoughts
But, the reaction you do get, if you do post those videos, might just be more beneficial than recording them in the first place. And greater than you could have imagined.
A problem shared, is a problem halved.
When i was last in Spain, two years ago, i recorded a series of video diaries and posted them onto YouTube. Mainly, it must be said, for myself and as a way of reminding myself about the holiday. I have been thinking about doing the same thing this time around. We'll see.
I suspect that, due to limited Internet speed, i'll be doing more blogs than vlogs this time though.
I have looked back on those Spanish videos many times over the past two years and have been very pleased that i bothered to record them. However good your memory, you will always forget some aspect, or detail of a holiday, no matter how good that holiday was. Or, even maybe because of that! So, it is great to be able to remind yourself whenever you want to. I have also been pleased that people have bothered to watch and comment on those videos. I have even had people say to me personally, how much they enjoyed them. That is always very nice to hear and is very encouraging.
Years ago, i used to write and keep a travel diary, whenever i went to somewhere a little out of the ordinary. As did many other people.
How times change!
Over the past few years i have recorded many videos which were originally only meant for purely personal use. Videos that were never really intended to be uploaded to YouTube, or elsewhere. This has been a way for me to record an event, or happening in my life. Such as that Spanish holiday. These videos are often very spontaneous and recorded quickly. But, then some of the best vlogs are recorded that way. Well, in my opinion anyway.
I think that because i've become so used to recording vlogs, during my four years on YouTube, these videos have always come out exactly the same as an "ordinary" "andymooseman" vlog would do. I always record and introduce them in the same way, just in case they do eventually see the public light of day. Apart from that, it just becomes a habit to start a video that way, wherever it is going to end up.
Possibly, because of this, there are very few videos of this type that have not been uploaded to YouTube. That must mean something, although i'm not quite sure what.
For example. I recorded a series of videos about my fathers ill health and subsequent death, earlier this year. These are a perfect example of the type of video i am talking about here, as i never intended them to be seen. Especially, the first couple that i made. They were just a way for me to record something very personal and historical. Albeit the type of history we don't wish to think about.
But, after uploading that first video, i was very pleased and actually uplifted by the comments and general feedback that it got by the viewers. Several people thanked me for posting those videos and said that it reminded them of similar situations that they had faced in the past. Situations in which they had often felt unable to communicate what they themsleves were feeling at the time
This encouraged me to keep recording that series of videos and to continue uploading them.
One reason that i had been, initially, a little hesitant about uploading that first video, was that i didn't want people to think that i was somehow fishing for sympathy. I suspect that this has been a motive for some in the past. But, i'm sure that my viewers and subscribers are smart enough to see right through somebody doing that.
I can honestly say that i am very pleased that i decided to, firstly record those videos and secondly, to actually feel brave enough to upload them to YouTube.
It was a way for me to put my thoughts and feelings of the time onto video. Not everybody would feel comfortable with recording their most stressful and emotional moments and then uploading them for all the world to see. That is not always an easy choice to make and, obviously, has to be a very personal decision.
But, maybe, this goes right to the heart of what vlogging is all about in the first place? Having said that, i would respect anyones decision not to do what i did.
I have often said that i regard vlogging to be a very cathartic experience at times and i've even called YouTube, the psychiatrists couch of the Internet, for that very reason. It gives you a place to say what you want and often something that needs to be said. But, something that you don't always feel able to say to those around you. But, it gets it off of your chest and out into the open.
Vlogging really is a great way of expressing your thoughts, especially at a time of emotional stress and, of course, you are still under no obligation to actually upload, or share those thoughts
But, the reaction you do get, if you do post those videos, might just be more beneficial than recording them in the first place. And greater than you could have imagined.
A problem shared, is a problem halved.
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Life In A Day - Annus Horrilbilis.
This is my sumbimisson to the YouTube - Life In A Day film project. http://www.youtube.com/user/lifeinaday
Will i be a movie star? Somehow, i doubt it.
A beach vlog.
PS: My Mother arrived home safely, unscathed, after having had an enjoyable holiday.
Friday, 25 June 2010
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Thursday, 4 February 2010
The Rollercoaster Slows Down.
New YouTube video & hopefully, the final part of a series of videos about my Father.
Funerals, Fathers & finality.
Funerals, Fathers & finality.
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Strange Days Indeed.
Well, these past few weeks have been rather strange ones for me.
As some of you may be aware, my father died on Sunday January 17th.
This was not a huge shock, as he was very nearly 93 years old & had been in hospital right over the Christmas & New Year period. But, regardless of how well you think you are prepared for what we did see as quite possibly, the inevitable, the shock when that end comes, is still a little hard to take.
As i said in a recent YouTube video that i made, one of a series, the hardest thing to take is the sudden realisation that you will never see that person again. I still can't quite believe it & probably won't for a while to come yet. My mother, who has coped remarkably well so far, still has days when she fully expects him to come home from the hospital.
The word i would use to describe how i've felt over these past two weeks, is surreal. It's almost as if you are walking around in a slight daze.
I have not been overly affected by what has happened, which has surprised me a little. But i have still felt rather weird, especially at certain times.
Maybe the full effect has not hit me yet? This may be the case, as the funeral is not until this Wednesday. That will be a strange day indeed.
But, the main reason for writing this blog was not to concentrate on all of those negative things that, inevitably, come about because of a parents death. But, rather to accentuate the positive things that have come out of it.
For one, this has made me do some re-evaluating about my own life. It has certainly made me realise, even more than i did before, that life needs to be lived & it needs to be lived now.
I have always been someone who has said yes to opportunities that have come my way. But, now i wonder if i should be the one trying to create even more opportunities for myself?
Time will tell, i suppose, if these thoughts will ever lead to anything. But, if you don't have those thoughts in the first place, nothing will ever change will it?
Another aspect, has been the way that my fathers death has made us all revisit his life & realise just what a full & interesting life he actually led.
I've heard stories about my father that i had never heard before. One in particular that sticks in my mind was about the evening, in the 1960's, when he played the piano in a pub & was bought several drinks of appreciation by Brian Epstein, The Beatles manager. How cool is that?
My mother has also learnt a lot about his earlier life.
Because of my own interest in family history, i got my father to write down & tell me about his early life, especially about his service in World War 2. My mother had never heard many of these stories.
My father lived through The Blitz, in London. He was also at the Battle of El Alamein, in North Africa & was in London during the VE Day celebrations at the end of WW2.
As i said, an interesting life.
So, all of this has helped me to re-evaluate what my father meant to me.
One of the main things, i feel, is the influence that he has had on my own life. Right from the physical attributes, i am the same height, build & wear the same size shoes as he did for example.
There are also such influences as his love of music, reading & a general inquisitive ineterst in the world around him.
All of these things, i have inherited from him. I am very grateful for all of them.
So, as i said. There are even some positive aspects to come out of even the worst times.
We all know that we are influenced by parents. But, sometimes it takes an event like this to remind us of just how much of an influence they have.
And if, like me, you have children of your own. It makes you realise what kind of influence you will, inevitably, have on your own children.
As some of you may be aware, my father died on Sunday January 17th.
This was not a huge shock, as he was very nearly 93 years old & had been in hospital right over the Christmas & New Year period. But, regardless of how well you think you are prepared for what we did see as quite possibly, the inevitable, the shock when that end comes, is still a little hard to take.
As i said in a recent YouTube video that i made, one of a series, the hardest thing to take is the sudden realisation that you will never see that person again. I still can't quite believe it & probably won't for a while to come yet. My mother, who has coped remarkably well so far, still has days when she fully expects him to come home from the hospital.
The word i would use to describe how i've felt over these past two weeks, is surreal. It's almost as if you are walking around in a slight daze.
I have not been overly affected by what has happened, which has surprised me a little. But i have still felt rather weird, especially at certain times.
Maybe the full effect has not hit me yet? This may be the case, as the funeral is not until this Wednesday. That will be a strange day indeed.
But, the main reason for writing this blog was not to concentrate on all of those negative things that, inevitably, come about because of a parents death. But, rather to accentuate the positive things that have come out of it.
For one, this has made me do some re-evaluating about my own life. It has certainly made me realise, even more than i did before, that life needs to be lived & it needs to be lived now.
I have always been someone who has said yes to opportunities that have come my way. But, now i wonder if i should be the one trying to create even more opportunities for myself?
Time will tell, i suppose, if these thoughts will ever lead to anything. But, if you don't have those thoughts in the first place, nothing will ever change will it?
Another aspect, has been the way that my fathers death has made us all revisit his life & realise just what a full & interesting life he actually led.
I've heard stories about my father that i had never heard before. One in particular that sticks in my mind was about the evening, in the 1960's, when he played the piano in a pub & was bought several drinks of appreciation by Brian Epstein, The Beatles manager. How cool is that?
My mother has also learnt a lot about his earlier life.
Because of my own interest in family history, i got my father to write down & tell me about his early life, especially about his service in World War 2. My mother had never heard many of these stories.
My father lived through The Blitz, in London. He was also at the Battle of El Alamein, in North Africa & was in London during the VE Day celebrations at the end of WW2.
As i said, an interesting life.
So, all of this has helped me to re-evaluate what my father meant to me.
One of the main things, i feel, is the influence that he has had on my own life. Right from the physical attributes, i am the same height, build & wear the same size shoes as he did for example.
There are also such influences as his love of music, reading & a general inquisitive ineterst in the world around him.
All of these things, i have inherited from him. I am very grateful for all of them.
So, as i said. There are even some positive aspects to come out of even the worst times.
We all know that we are influenced by parents. But, sometimes it takes an event like this to remind us of just how much of an influence they have.
And if, like me, you have children of your own. It makes you realise what kind of influence you will, inevitably, have on your own children.
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
Re: The Day The Music Died
A video made in response to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e3iPkimQl8
The death of John Lennon - 8th December 1980.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e3iPkimQl8
The death of John Lennon - 8th December 1980.
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